Barefoot and Pregnant

Here are a couple of disadvantages of pregnancy:

Your tummy grows significantly and as it does, your feet begin to shrink. Or at least, disappear. By the third trimester, they're gone. About the only time they come out of hiding are walking up stairs and driving. The biggest problem concerning this development is that they also take a vacation from consciousness and as a result, can take a turn for the worse. Another issue is that even when the occasional glance reminds us of our duties, trying to negotiate around the mid girth with something as unforgiving as nail polish, is as effective as something else that isn't very effective. To make matters worse, all of the muscles in the lower body speak Chinese or something because they no longer obey simple commands like "stretch."

Here are a couple of advantages of being impregnated by a metrosexual:

It's just nice to know that there is someone out there watching out for you. For Mother's Day (this year's was just dress rehearsal), Tim was kind enough to treat Brandi to a full pedicure. At a world famous spa in the Bellagio you wonder? No, anyone can just pick up a tab. (Actually Tim wouldn't be able to pick up that tab.) Tim scrubbed until his arms hurt. Luckily he had had plenty of practice earlier that day with an old dresser and some sand paper. The gift was wrapped in a couple coats of "I'm Not Really a Waitress" red and a back massage.

Happy Mother's Day for all those out there that are and are soon to be.